Frequently Asked Questions

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we worked out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How do pygmies manage with yo-yos?

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?

Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Are you a Klingon, or is that a turtle on your head?

Can Acupuncture cure Pins and Needles?

How can you mean what you say if you don't say what you mean?

How do snowplough drivers get to work in the morning?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

How many laws does it take to enforce the Ten Commandments?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If Jesus were to return, do you think he'd really want to see all those crosses?

I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?

Isn't there a statute of limitations on stupidity?

Is it progress if a cannibal uses knife and fork? - Stanislaw Lec, 1962.

Just what IS so good about bees' knees?

Now that I am grown, I have a question. Where have all the adults gone?

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

To vacillate, or not to vacillate, that is the question. ...Or is it?

What are Black Widow Spiders called before they get married?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

Where do you complain about the complaints department?

Why are wrongly dialled telephone numbers never engaged?

Why did Robinson Crusoe find only ONE footprint?

Why do Kamikaze Pilots wear crash helmets?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why do pubs have car parks?

Why do the doors on 24-hour shops have locks fitted?

Why do toilets in aircraft have frosted windows?

Why does Christmas always come when the shops are so crowded?

Why does FLAMMABLE mean the same as INFLAMMABLE?

Why does 'Slim Chance' mean the same as 'Fat Chance'?

Why does the other queue always move faster?

Why is Abbreviation such a long word?

Why is Dyslexia so hard to spell?

Why is there a 'permanent press' setting on an iron?

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

Why isn't Onomatopoeia onomatopoeic?

Why worry about life? You won't get out of it alive.

A day for firm decisions!!! Or is it?

If the days go so slowly, why do the years go so quickly?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's butt looked edible?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

Can you cry under water?

OK - they're jokes - but I looked round my site and thought 'very nice, but where am I?' So here I am - please feel free to contact me, forward this page to your friends or join my opt-in ezine - send me your own FAQs - I'll look forward to reading them.

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